I am an extremely goal oriented person.  I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t working towards something.  As a 6-year-old I decided I wanted to be an actress and enlisted my sisters in 3-person, 1-act plays of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Hansel and Gretel.

Today, the goals have become more sophisticated.  I set daily goals for stuff I need to get done, like doing my taxes by the end of the day and writing at least 1 page of a revised business plan.  I set mid-range goals for things I want to accomplish in a week or two, like creating a list of people to send the first Fellowstream closed beta to.  And then there are the long-term goals, ranging from the professional (create a product that at least 200 people want to pay for) to the personal (be the best wife and someday mother I can possibly be).

Yes, my life seems inundated with lots of little things I want to accomplish.  And for the most part, I like it that way.

But sometimes, goals can create stress that leave me feeling like a failure.

It’s a hard thing for a goal-oriented person to admit, but sometimes you have to realize that some things won’t get done.  You may get sick and not write that one page today.  You may become infertile and lose the ability to have children.  Or, maybe you might no longer want these goals, but stubbornness won’t allow you to let them go.  All the best intentions and determination in the world can backfire, leaving you feeling deflated and beaten when you realize you can’t reach your goal.

For all you goal setters out there, there are a few tricks you can employ.  One, realize that whenever you set a goal, you’re creating a risk, a risk that it might not ever be accomplished.  All risk comes with a possibility of failure.  Accept that failing to meet small to mid-range goals will happen a certain percentage of the time and move on.

The more longer term goals are tricky.  I often find that widening the scope of a long-term goal helps make it more viable and keeps me motivated.  If you desperately want to publish a novel, but it seems like it will never happen, it may be time to widen your approach.  You may want to work with a famous publisher, but there are other options like self-publishing that will help you accomplish your goal.

And always, try to be content with what you have and what you’ve already done.  On those really awful days when I feel like nothing I do is right, all I have to do is look at my husband to realize that life isn’t always about goals.

-Deborah Fike

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